Universal Principles of Yoga: The Yama Satya

I recently started a yoga teacher training and we had an assignment to choose one of the Five Universal Principles of Yoga, the Yamas, to research and talk about at our next training weekend.  You can find a link to all five of them here, but I chose the second Yoga Yama, Satya - which many of you may know is also my father's first name!

I chose the Yoga Yama Satya because for many of the early years of my life I struggled with being truthful to myself and to others.  As a young child and adolescent, I found myself lying in order to avoid conflict or admitting mistakes (something I saw modeled in my early life).  I also just didn’t have any healthy tools for expressing negative emotions and thoughts or when I was angered by a friend.  My technique was to stuff it all in until I either exploded at someone or literally walked away from the friendship. This happened far more often than I would like to admit.  I was extremely unskillful in the Yama Satya, truthfulness also referred to as Loving Speech.  I saw a video on another blog that said that The Yama Satya must be paired with the first Yoga Yama, Ahimsa - Non-violence/compassion - so that our truthfulness (Satya) embodies compassion (Ahimsa) and therefore does not cause and pain or hurt in those receiving it.

I can remember friends asking me if something was the matter, if I was upset and the truthful answer was “Yes, my feeling are hurt!” But I always answered, “No, I’m fine.” To this day, my instinct is to answer with the same denial, but the strength of the Yama Satya is so much stronger in me now and I know it is my duty to be truthful to prevent future explosions of anger.

It wasn’t until my twenties that I started peeling away my lack of the Yama Satya and started to attempt to live by it.  Of course at the time I didn’t know that the truthfulness I was trying to live by was part of the Yoga Universal Principles, I just wanted to live with integrity and take responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions.  I had become aware of how I’d hurt people in the past and how I’d been hurt by non-truthfulness so I vowed to do my absolute best to be honest with myself and share my truth with those around me in the most mindful, loving, ahimsa way possible.

Below is a not-all-inclusive list/outline of the different aspect of how I see the Yama Satya being embodied and engaged by each of us. You may see future posts going into more detail of these, but here is my outline sketched for my assignment!

• Personal Internal truth
• Being honest with ourself in terms of boundaries, limitations, life path, life goals, energy, ability, skill, etc...
• Acknowledge our thoughts and see where there is truth and where there isn’t and do our best to change our habitual non-truthful thoughts
• Truth in Observation
• Being mindful and truly present in each moment to sharpen our sense of observation so that we may see the truth of our own reality and that of those around us
• Engaging in Mindful Interactive Truth (see below) with others when we observe a truth that may not be apparent to the other.  This involves the first Yoga Yama, ahimsa (non-violence/compassion) so that we can communicate any negative information or observation as truthfully and compassionately as possible.
• Interactive Truth
• Being mindful of the words we choose when speaking with others.
• Before you speak, ask yourself these 3 questions:
• Is what I am about to say the truth?
• Is it necessary?
• Will it cause harm?
• Allowing the others involved in our Interactive Truth time to hear, process and respond to our Interactive Truth.
• Respecting when others do not like the truth we have shared with them and honoring their feelings.
• Multiple Truths/Accepting Other’s Truths
• There are an infinite number of paths for each of us to follow, we each have our own karmic lessons we must learn so that we may deepen our personal truths and transform ourselves in the perfect way we are supposed to in this life.  So long as our truth/path is not hurting another person or group of people and we are aware of how we affect each other and the world and that our truth is for the ultimate highest good, then we should allow ourselves and others to follow our own truth, even if we don’t like some of them.
• Higher Power Truth
• This follows up with the Multiple Truths idea as it relates to God, The Divine, The Creator, The Universe, Religion, Spirituality, etc.  Everyone has a choice for which, if any, path they choose to follow!

Breathe. Smile. Be Truthful. Be Mindful. Love!

The picture for this post is from Simon Howden's portfolio on Free Digital Photos.

Preparing For Our Breaking Point

When I reach my breaking point, sometimes I don't feel like there is any valid "reason" for it.  I just feel plain terrible and have this feeling in me that nobody should feel happy if I'm feeling so miserable.  Or I feel an irrational sense of control towards those around me.  Wednesday, December 28th, those who crossed my path were innocent victims to the seething anger I was feeling.  I had lost control of this emotion and despite all my attempts to be mindful, I felt such an overwhelming sense of frustration that I couldn't hear my own mindfulness bell. There is a feeling I get when I know I should make another choice, when I know I should let go and change my current course but on Wednesday, I wasn't listening to it and pushed it aside, clinging to my hurt and frustration.  I even left the house and tried to calm myself in nature.  This helped a little but there was something in me that was rigid, firm, unbending and unwilling to compromise.  It wasn't until after raising my voice at my sweet little girl and seeing the fear in her eyes that I began to soften.  I remember having that same fear and disappointment when I was yelled at as a child and it had such a severe affect on me.  I vowed I would never do it to my own child.  And here I was, again.  It has been very few times but they are there.  My highest self may be present when I have these outbursts but she's not in the driver's seat.  It felt more like the child in me who needed to be heard and listened to was behind the wheel, making all the decisions.  The biggest problem is that I am not a child anymore and must find it within me to be the adult, functioning from my highest self.

I do believe that repair is critical after moments like the one I had on the 28th but I don't think it's enough.  Or we could walk around treating people terribly and then apologize and think that's ok to do over and over again.  I am determined to work on myself and look into my core to see what it is that is brewing inside of me so I can have a deeper understanding and make the changes I need to.  This might be through therapy, healing on a physical level or noting if lunar-menstrual cycles have anything to do with it and plan accordingly... awareness of self, mindfulness of self.  Preparing myself for the moments when I am unable to hear the mindfulness bell.

I have been repairing with my daughter for the last few days, being kind and attentive but not giving in to our regular rules.  Trying to be more understanding when she acts out, who knows, maybe she's imitating my own behavior.  She is a vivid mirror.  I am trying to breathe into the sensations I have within me to see where they are coming from and how I can move forward so that I can minimize and ultimately eliminate these breakdowns in mindfulness. It doesn't mean I won't get angry or have these feelings again, but I don't want to inflict pain on those I love.

I remind myself of my imperfection.  I take responsibility for my actions.  I breathe into my core being and promise to do my best.

Breathe. Smile. Understand Yourself. Have Patience.

The photo for this post if from Graur Codrin's profile on Free Digital Photos.

The Art of Apologizing

Today we were supposed to move my mom's stuff into her new apartment in an amazing retirement community but the person we hired to move her got sick, so all the planning, organizing and preparations were shaken up and had to be shifted to another day.  When I got the call, I was really irritated and felt myself freeze up into Mrs. Inflexible!  I caught myself hardening my tone with my mother, as I do far too often, raising and tensing my voice as I do when I'm frustrated.  "No, I can't do Thursday!" I said, knowing that I probably could do it with a few texts to babysitters but just feeling down right childish and wanting someone else to feel how frustrated I felt.  And really, what did it matter!  It's not even me moving.  I may have coordinated a good portion of this move, but at the end of the day, I wasn't even planning on lifting any boxes and at the last minute, even I got sick and wasn't going to be there for the first part of the day.  But I wasn't in control anymore and things weren't going as I had so delicately planned!!!  Finally, after a few calls, my mom and I rescheduled everything for Thursday, the day that the freight elevator was available at the apartments.

I still felt myself wanting to be inflexible, digging my heels in and pouting because all my hard work was ruined... as if rescheduling to a different day really ruined anything.  As a matter of fact, because of the rescheduling of things, I actually ended up having practically the whole day to myself.  I was feeling better from the stomach bug I'd had the day before, Rishi had planned a big morning out with Anjali, since I was supposed to be moving my mom and then now, I didn't even have to do that anymore!!  What was I gaining by staying so irritated at this whole situation and at my mom?  As I was driving to a coffee shop to get some work done, I realized what a jerk I'd been to my mom, again!  Those of you who know me, and most of you do, know that I've got some issues with being nice to my mom.  I'm fully aware of them, but completely out of control with them.

One thing I've learned over the years is how excruciatingly significant and utterly beautiful apologizing can be, not only for the person who received the wrong doing but especially for the person who's done the wrong doing.  I think I learned to apologize at a much older age than most people and still sometimes find it to be one of the most difficult things to do but when I do it, and I try to do every time I 'should,' I remember how simple it really is and then that magical sensation of calmness comes from having humbled myself away from the arrogant, inflexible person that desires to brood in her corner and into a person who takes responsibility for what she's done and recognizes when she's done it and then let's the other person know.  I have been the victim of having someone very close to me, in the past, who would lash out and almost never apologize.  Being treated this way is no fun and can make one feel a little alienated and crazy.  The apology definitely doesn't excuse the "undesirable" behavior, but it does help heal the hurt it has caused!  And both "sides" are hurt, so both sides get to heal when those simple words pass from one's mouth.  I know it helped me today and I hope it helped my mom.

Breathe.  Smile. Apologize. Recognize. Energize!

The picture for this post is from Juan Gnecco's profile on Free Digital Photos.