Friday, December 30, 2011
Preparing For Our Breaking Point
I do believe that repair is critical after moments like the one I had on the 28th but I don't think it's enough. Or we could walk around treating people terribly and then apologize and think that's ok to do over and over again. I am determined to work on myself and look into my core to see what it is that is brewing inside of me so I can have a deeper understanding and make the changes I need to. This might be through therapy, healing on a physical level or noting if lunar-menstrual cycles have anything to do with it and plan accordingly... awareness of self, mindfulness of self. Preparing myself for the moments when I am unable to hear the mindfulness bell.
I have been repairing with my daughter for the last few days, being kind and attentive but not giving in to our regular rules. Trying to be more understanding when she acts out, who knows, maybe she's imitating my own behavior. She is a vivid mirror. I am trying to breathe into the sensations I have within me to see where they are coming from and how I can move forward so that I can minimize and ultimately eliminate these breakdowns in mindfulness. It doesn't mean I won't get angry or have these feelings again, but I don't want to inflict pain on those I love.
I remind myself of my imperfection. I take responsibility for my actions. I breathe into my core being and promise to do my best.
Breathe. Smile. Understand Yourself. Have Patience.
The photo for this post if from Graur Codrin's profile on Free Digital Photos.