Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Imperfection is perfect

I am often surprised by the tone in my voice especially when I've reached my limit.  Maybe surprised isn't quite the word, more like embarrassed or ashamed.  Often I may say words that would normally convey a kind or neutral message but the tone in my voice carries with it annoyance, frustration, anger or some other emotion.  Yet I want to be able to temporarily mask my real feelings until a later time when I can feel more 'in control' so that I might spare my loved ones from further pain or discomfort.  The worst time to express myself is when I am engulfed in strong feelings of anger.

But what do we do then, when we have to interact with those involved in the moment?  I'm not sure I have THE answer, nor do I think there is any one answer.  And it is in this circumstance that I find my tone gets curt and just not so nice.  It is in the moment(s) immediately following the stimulus and before our reaction that we make a critical decision about how we want to play out the scene.  Those moments are what Elisha Goldstein calls the "space" between stimuli and reactions.  It is in that space that we 'should' try to calmly inform our loved ones that we are feeling frustrated and need some time before we can talk about it.  And this is my dilemma,  is it ok to have a curt tone of voice?  I often struggle with the tone and energy I exude even if the words out of my mouth are not mean.  I have a lot of judgement towards myself for the moments I speak with a curt tone with my family.  When I'm with my daughter, I often cannot take time "out" to cool off or rather it's not the most practical thing to do, like when we are in the same room, at a friends house or in the car together.

I suppose that a terse, low tone is better than all out screaming (which I have done for brief moments). I think the issue really for me can be that of dealing with the negative emotion and feelings swirling inside me and then accepting my imperfections and that I will not always say the right thing at the right time.

Recognizing the mistakes I make and rectifying them seems to be far more important than trying to not make them at all.  And as I write all this, it seems so clear and simple. Ideas I've read elsewhere and have heard over and over.  Yet here I am still trying to understand the nature of human interactions, my own internal workings and how the drama of life plays out.  I am determined to slow down, especially in the space between stimuli and reactions!

Breathing. Feeling. Swirling. Smiling.

The photo for this post is from Evgeni Dinev's profile on Free Digital Photos.


www.momentous-occasions.com said...

Your words well wisdom and reveal the innocence of now. For me right now.

Jyoti Kaneria said...

Thanks for your the comment! So glad you took the time to read the post!