When The Clouds Clear

It's been a while... Most of you know that I'm almost 6 months pregnant which initially halted my writing because we weren't telling anyone during the first 12 weeks and that's all I wanted to write about.  So, I silenced myself and then just got plain ole lazy!  It happens and I try not to pressure myself to write or then I make writing a post bigger than it really is.

Well, Anjali was sick all last week and I am just now starting to feel better after catching the nasty little virus she gifted our home with!  And boy did I feel like there were endless clouds hanging over me, the house, my energy and my mood!  And I think what was just as hard as being sick was all the time spent just sitting with myself doing nothing.  Though it was less time than before I had Anjali, because she still need to be fed and watched after, I still had a lot more down time than I normally allow for myself when well.

I was ever so aggravated with the negative thoughts that I became aware of floating in my mind.  Though, in between the aggravated moments, there were a few moments where having the clouds hanging over provided much needed introspection that I otherwise probably wouldn't have had.  I often think that getting sick is more our body telling us to slow down and stop because there is something within us that needs our attention than it is about an actual virus or bacteria (though those are very real too!)

And when the clouds finally start to clear, there is such a deep sense of appreciation for being well.  Thich Nhat Hanh has a great story about how we should appreciate our "non-toothache" when our teeth feel great because once we have a terrible one, we realize how little we appreciated being pain free!

Be Well. Live. Appreciate Wellness. Look Within. Breathe!

The image for this post is from Sura Nualpradid's profile in Free Digital Photos.

The Yoga Ni-Yamas: Santosa and Svadhyaya

This week for my yoga training we have been assigned to choose one of the five niyamas in yoga, or internal practices of observation/ethical practices of guidance.

I had a hard time choosing just one, so I've chosen two.  The first is Santosa, contentment.  I think it is often difficult to feel true contentment.  We are often inundated with distractions, pressures, desires, etc that push us to want more things, keep our calendars packed with activities and succumb to instant gratification.  I am definitely guilty!  Santosa reminds us that not only should we be content with the joyous and beautiful parts of our lives but also with the difficulties we face as they are an integral part.  There is constant change in our lives, even if we somehow maintain a facade of keeping everything the same, it's really constantly changing!  And often times these changes can be challenging.  These difficult things that come into our lives are lessons of some sort.  Something that we need to look at and ask, what do I need to learn from this?  It could be a lesson about ourselves, about our relationship, about our job, about our home or any number of things.  In the end, if we are clear of mind we can see from more than one perspective and can learn and evolve from our life events, remaining content. Then we are practicing Santosa.

The second one that I have chosen is Svadhyaya, study of one's self.  I saw this interpreted on a couple of sites as not only study of one's self but study of spiritual texts.  I'd like to focus on the study of one's self.  I think this goes in line with the yama I discussed last time on truth, Satya.  I think in order to be truthful, we must study ourselves or look deeply at ourselves, our thoughts, words, actions and behaviors.  If we can understand ourselves, then we can begin to see the world and reality around us clearly.  I have recently had a difficult time looking at the core of my feelings and understanding where they're coming and why.  Of course, as I have shared before, I feel meditation is as a method for looking at ourselves deeply but I think that we can also do this all day long as we apply mindfulness to our daily lives.  Taking a few seconds to check in with ourselves throughout the day or when eventful things happen and then setting aside a longer time to reflect on things we've thought, felt, done or seen.  And the key when we reflect is to set aside all judgement, it is pure observation.  We can decide that there are some things we'd like to try to understand more deeply that perhaps we would like to change, but the goal isn't change so much as it is understanding ourselves.  I think that if we can see what's going on inside, then we can understand it and through understanding, any change needed should happen freely and easily...

Be content. Be Inquisitive. See Deeply. Love. Breathe!

The photo for this post is from Michelle Meiklejohn's portfolio on Free Digital Photo's.

Universal Principles of Yoga: The Yama Satya

I recently started a yoga teacher training and we had an assignment to choose one of the Five Universal Principles of Yoga, the Yamas, to research and talk about at our next training weekend.  You can find a link to all five of them here, but I chose the second Yoga Yama, Satya - which many of you may know is also my father's first name!

I chose the Yoga Yama Satya because for many of the early years of my life I struggled with being truthful to myself and to others.  As a young child and adolescent, I found myself lying in order to avoid conflict or admitting mistakes (something I saw modeled in my early life).  I also just didn’t have any healthy tools for expressing negative emotions and thoughts or when I was angered by a friend.  My technique was to stuff it all in until I either exploded at someone or literally walked away from the friendship. This happened far more often than I would like to admit.  I was extremely unskillful in the Yama Satya, truthfulness also referred to as Loving Speech.  I saw a video on another blog that said that The Yama Satya must be paired with the first Yoga Yama, Ahimsa - Non-violence/compassion - so that our truthfulness (Satya) embodies compassion (Ahimsa) and therefore does not cause and pain or hurt in those receiving it.

I can remember friends asking me if something was the matter, if I was upset and the truthful answer was “Yes, my feeling are hurt!” But I always answered, “No, I’m fine.” To this day, my instinct is to answer with the same denial, but the strength of the Yama Satya is so much stronger in me now and I know it is my duty to be truthful to prevent future explosions of anger.

It wasn’t until my twenties that I started peeling away my lack of the Yama Satya and started to attempt to live by it.  Of course at the time I didn’t know that the truthfulness I was trying to live by was part of the Yoga Universal Principles, I just wanted to live with integrity and take responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions.  I had become aware of how I’d hurt people in the past and how I’d been hurt by non-truthfulness so I vowed to do my absolute best to be honest with myself and share my truth with those around me in the most mindful, loving, ahimsa way possible.

Below is a not-all-inclusive list/outline of the different aspect of how I see the Yama Satya being embodied and engaged by each of us. You may see future posts going into more detail of these, but here is my outline sketched for my assignment!

• Personal Internal truth
• Being honest with ourself in terms of boundaries, limitations, life path, life goals, energy, ability, skill, etc...
• Acknowledge our thoughts and see where there is truth and where there isn’t and do our best to change our habitual non-truthful thoughts
• Truth in Observation
• Being mindful and truly present in each moment to sharpen our sense of observation so that we may see the truth of our own reality and that of those around us
• Engaging in Mindful Interactive Truth (see below) with others when we observe a truth that may not be apparent to the other.  This involves the first Yoga Yama, ahimsa (non-violence/compassion) so that we can communicate any negative information or observation as truthfully and compassionately as possible.
• Interactive Truth
• Being mindful of the words we choose when speaking with others.
• Before you speak, ask yourself these 3 questions:
• Is what I am about to say the truth?
• Is it necessary?
• Will it cause harm?
• Allowing the others involved in our Interactive Truth time to hear, process and respond to our Interactive Truth.
• Respecting when others do not like the truth we have shared with them and honoring their feelings.
• Multiple Truths/Accepting Other’s Truths
• There are an infinite number of paths for each of us to follow, we each have our own karmic lessons we must learn so that we may deepen our personal truths and transform ourselves in the perfect way we are supposed to in this life.  So long as our truth/path is not hurting another person or group of people and we are aware of how we affect each other and the world and that our truth is for the ultimate highest good, then we should allow ourselves and others to follow our own truth, even if we don’t like some of them.
• Higher Power Truth
• This follows up with the Multiple Truths idea as it relates to God, The Divine, The Creator, The Universe, Religion, Spirituality, etc.  Everyone has a choice for which, if any, path they choose to follow!

Breathe. Smile. Be Truthful. Be Mindful. Love!

The picture for this post is from Simon Howden's portfolio on Free Digital Photos.

Unsticking When We Get Stuck

Feeling stuck can be due to stretching ourselves too thin, poor diet, lack of sleep, fear of change, difficulty transitioning from one season to another or difficulty transitioning from one life "season" to another... the list goes on and on and on.

I feel defeated when I find myself feeling stuck.  I often have this feeling when I'm craving making a big change or doing something new or different and I feel a little intimidated or unsure of which way I want to go.  At the core, my stuck feeling is created from an over attachment to a desired outcome combined with a lack of trust in the universe and my path.

I find I can often unstick myself if I just let go a little and remember to connect back to the trust I have in myself and the universe.  Letting go doesn't mean I don't move forward or make that tricky decision, it just means that I try not to have a specific, detailed expectation for how things should go every little step of the way.  When I let go of the tiny details, I unstick a little.  That heavy weight of fear or indecision lightens and I can wiggle out and see more clearly what is in front of me.  I will make the necessary plans and decisions, but perhaps they don't happen this week, but next.  Or it manifests through someone I will meet at a future event.  

Trusting the universe is a big one.  For some people this is like the faith they have in their religion and God but for me it's about energy.  I believe very deeply that our intentions, the energy we pour into our dreams, needs and pure wants, is very powerful.  I have taken the time to either write or create a vision board, putting the energy towards a certain goal and then releasing my attachment to it and letting it go to the universe.  This doesn't mean that we just sit on the couch and wait for it to happen.  Our energy must be transformed into the actions that will bring us to our dreams.  And then the magic can happen.  You might meet someone when you go to a workshop that will lead to another opportunity and then ultimately to your vision... 

Years ago I wanted to have an opportunity to create and lead a Spanish language workshop.  I asked the universe and then let it go.  A few days later, my sister was visiting and an old family friend came over to see her.   I got to talking with this family friend and as it turned out she was looking for someone to create a Spanish language workshop for the employers in her company.  Coincidence? Some might say that's all it was.  I would say intention and the universe had something to do with it... 

I will do my best to unstick my mind and body when I find myself in the stuck zone!

Breathe. Smile. Unstick. Invision. Let Go!

The image for this post is from Dan's Profile on Free Digital Photos.

Preparing For Our Breaking Point

When I reach my breaking point, sometimes I don't feel like there is any valid "reason" for it.  I just feel plain terrible and have this feeling in me that nobody should feel happy if I'm feeling so miserable.  Or I feel an irrational sense of control towards those around me.  Wednesday, December 28th, those who crossed my path were innocent victims to the seething anger I was feeling.  I had lost control of this emotion and despite all my attempts to be mindful, I felt such an overwhelming sense of frustration that I couldn't hear my own mindfulness bell. There is a feeling I get when I know I should make another choice, when I know I should let go and change my current course but on Wednesday, I wasn't listening to it and pushed it aside, clinging to my hurt and frustration.  I even left the house and tried to calm myself in nature.  This helped a little but there was something in me that was rigid, firm, unbending and unwilling to compromise.  It wasn't until after raising my voice at my sweet little girl and seeing the fear in her eyes that I began to soften.  I remember having that same fear and disappointment when I was yelled at as a child and it had such a severe affect on me.  I vowed I would never do it to my own child.  And here I was, again.  It has been very few times but they are there.  My highest self may be present when I have these outbursts but she's not in the driver's seat.  It felt more like the child in me who needed to be heard and listened to was behind the wheel, making all the decisions.  The biggest problem is that I am not a child anymore and must find it within me to be the adult, functioning from my highest self.

I do believe that repair is critical after moments like the one I had on the 28th but I don't think it's enough.  Or we could walk around treating people terribly and then apologize and think that's ok to do over and over again.  I am determined to work on myself and look into my core to see what it is that is brewing inside of me so I can have a deeper understanding and make the changes I need to.  This might be through therapy, healing on a physical level or noting if lunar-menstrual cycles have anything to do with it and plan accordingly... awareness of self, mindfulness of self.  Preparing myself for the moments when I am unable to hear the mindfulness bell.

I have been repairing with my daughter for the last few days, being kind and attentive but not giving in to our regular rules.  Trying to be more understanding when she acts out, who knows, maybe she's imitating my own behavior.  She is a vivid mirror.  I am trying to breathe into the sensations I have within me to see where they are coming from and how I can move forward so that I can minimize and ultimately eliminate these breakdowns in mindfulness. It doesn't mean I won't get angry or have these feelings again, but I don't want to inflict pain on those I love.

I remind myself of my imperfection.  I take responsibility for my actions.  I breathe into my core being and promise to do my best.

Breathe. Smile. Understand Yourself. Have Patience.

The photo for this post if from Graur Codrin's profile on Free Digital Photos.

Learn to Stop

"In daily life, there is so much to do and so little time.  You may feel pressure to run.  Learn to stop! Touch the present moment and you will touch peace and joy" - Thich Nhat Hanh

I know for a fact I have blogged about this quote before but it seems quite apropos right now with the bustling of friends and family and presents and parties... which I LOVE!  I love being with the people I love, friends and family.  I love planning activities, menus - especially the sweet treats involved, though I often make the healthy, gluten free, low glycemic version.  But what I always forget is how exhausting it can be too, especially if we don't take time to recharge - also something that I've written about many times.  


Now, right now, during the holidays it may seem impossible to slow down, especially if there are multiple young children involved in the festivities but I am trying to do two things.  When I'm in a social gathering to relieve myself of any pressures (self-imposed or otherwise) to do too much or go beyond my capacity.  And it takes being fully present in the moment, the second thing I'm trying to do, to stay aware of any self-imposed pressures to do too much, or to be aware of when I've reached my limit and to know when, where and how to STOP and let go.  Even if for a short moment, so that I can release the pressure that been building up, unwind even just a little, and recharge for the rest of the holiday festivities! 


Whatever holiday you are or are not celebrating these last few days of 2011, I wish you peace, joy and a beautiful present moment!


Breathe. Smile. Stop. Laugh. Wink. Exhale. Enjoy!


The photo in this post is from Chris Sharp's portfolio on Free Digital Photos.

Humble Request

We are busy, busy getting ready for family to come in town but had a simple request to those of you who already follow via email if you feel so inclined.  I just upgraded my blog to allow for people to follow it more easily so, please "follow" the blog by going to the follow box on the right sidebar of the blog... and to anyone stopping by and checking the blog out, it would be GREAT to have new readers!!!

Breathe. Smile. Celebrate. Love.

The photo for this post is by Topstep07's profile in free digital photos.